Do You Know the Do’s and Don’ts of Caring for Your Pastor and Church Staff?

October is Pastor Appreciation Month. Even if you don't often observe designated months like this one, consider making an exception. Appreciation isn't just good for your leaders' soul; it's good for their health.

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Trends in Ministry Flourishing

Do you know the do’s and don’ts of caring for your pastor and church staff?

For Pastor- and Staff-Parish Relations Committees (P/SPRCs) in the United Methodist Church (UMC), it’s the last but arguably highest duty listed in their job description: “To encourage, monitor, and support clergy and lay staff in the pursuit of health and wholeness.” But how do they—and other laity in the church—walk the talk?

If you’re reading this article, you’re on the right track. (Bonus points for forwarding it to your P/SPRC Chair or Lay Leader.)   

Research on clergy well-being conducted by the Duke Clergy Health Initiative in 2023 identified that feeling “loved and cared for” by their congregants is strongly associated with better clergy mental health. In what can feel like a thankless and distressing world, laity can make a huge difference in the lives of their pastors. And when pastors flourish, their congregations and communities are more likely to flourish, too.

READ: Clergy Share Their Top Sources of Stress

That’s why we created the aptly titled Loved and Cared For, a resource that lays out the do’s and don’ts for P/SPRC’s and church leaders who want to express appreciation for their pastors in ways both creative and countercultural. (Think less bundt cakes and more support to take their vacation days.) However, we think these best practices can apply to supporting any church staff member in serving well.

Here’s a summary of our top advice:

• DO: Pray for your pastors, staff, and their families. And let them know you’re doing it! It might seem obvious, but ask them how you can pray for them, too.
• DON’T: Violate their trust. If they share something particularly human or difficult, respond without judgment, and don’t share it without permission. 
   
• DO: Ask your pastor and staff about their plans to take their full vacation time annually. If they don’t have plans, invite them to make and share their plans the next time you meet.
• DON’T: Leave it all to your pastor and staff to figure out how to take time off or leave town. Offer to help them overcome barriers of workload or expectations. 
   
• DO: Invite committee or church members to send your pastor and staff notes of encouragement on a regular schedule. Be specific about where you see God at work in and through them.
• DON’T: Affirm only visibly “successful” outcomes in ministry, but create a culture that celebrates “flourishing” metrics, too, like protecting a regular day for Sabbath or leaning on friends, therapists, and spiritual directors for support. 

WATCH: Bishop Connie Shelton and Dr. Rae Jean Proeschold-Bell Share Specific Ways to Love Clergy 

• DO: Create expectations that your pastor and staff are not expected to be away from home more than two nights a week, regardless of whether they are single or married, with children or without children.
• DON’T: Contribute to unfair expectations by complaining when your pastor and staff aren’t available on demand or staying silent when their commitment to ministry is challenged. 
   
• DO: Invite your pastor and staff to a walking meeting if that’s an accessible option. Congregational leaders spend a lot of time in their heads! Make it easier for them to use their bodies during the workday.
• DON’T: Overload them with unhealthy meals and treats. On a particularly stressful week when they might be more likely to grab some less-than-stellar option on the go, offer in advance to drop off a well-balanced meal. 
   
• DO: Ask your pastor and staff about their hobbies and interests outside church work. Show up, as there’s an occasion, to help and/or cheer them on. Treat them like a person and not a persona.

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• DON’T: Forget to practice grace. If your pastor and staff make mistakes or are in a hard season of life, find ways to extend forgiveness and communicate “we’re in this together.” 

READ: More Ideas for Celebrating Church Professional Appreciation Month

There are a gazillion ways to appreciate your church staff well, even as we’ve shared some of the most salient from our research. So, don’t let the desire to get it right, prevent you from getting started at all. Begin with choosing at least one “do” to suggest at your next committee or leader meeting. 

As Rev. Dr. Mark Conforti, Yadkin Valley District Superintendent, encourages us, "Pastors are called to love the people they lead. Yet Jesus’ teaching on loving others presumes a love for oneself (Matthew 22:39). My sincere hope is that church committees will make the effort to encourage pastors and other church leaders toward self-care that's less about extra pedicures and pastries (as nice as those are) and more about saying 'no' so they can say 'yes' to the Lord."

Your Serve Well Resource

Loved and Cared For: A Handy Guide for P/SPRC’s Who Want to Support Their Pastor Well

It bears repeating: Our research indicates that feeling “loved and cared for” by congregants is not just good for the soul but good for clergy health. A new resource offers practical strategies for lay leaders who take seriously the work of honoring “those leaders who work so hard for you.”  (You may even consider reviewing it during your next P/SPRC meeting.) Want to go even deeper? Clergy and lay leaders can further grow their connection to each other through the resource Keeping the Faith: Conversations to Strengthen the Bond Between Pastors and Church Leaders.

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About Us

The Collaborative is a partnership between the Duke Clergy Health Initiative (CHI) and Duke Religion and Social Change Lab (RaSCL). CHI focuses on providing pastors with tools to improve their physical, emotional, and spiritual health, while RaSCL focuses on helping current and future faith leaders adapt to evolving times. Together, we serve those who want to serve well. Our work is made possible thanks to the generous time of our clergy and seminarian ministry partners and generous funding from The Duke Endowment. To stay informed of our latest research in ministry formation and flourishing, sign up to get our monthly Serve Well newsletter directly in your inbox.